Saturday, August 8, 2009

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Afterthoughts

Goddamn, I want to see this movie again. I see a lot of movies opening day (generally 20+ a year), or the morning after, and wish I would hop on here and comment more on each of them, but I must for this movie. I went into this movie expecting it to be fucking retarded, but a shitload of fun like Transformers (which I also love, but recognize it is absolutely one of the dumbest movies ever made). And I only expected it to be a shitload of fun due to reviews on AICN. I didn't find anything cool about the trailers and had no intention on seeing the movie. But holy fuck! Yes, it was a little stupid, but not bad at all and certainly not dopey like Transformers.

The acting was not very good, but it has it where it counts, which is the action and tech. Near the beginning we are treated to the Cobra jet and it looks incredibly similar to what I recall the toy Cobra jet, though a quick search leaves me thinking perhaps I am recalling shit that never happened. The training sequences were very good and sometimes funny without being Transformers retarded. Snake Eyes, alone, is a good reason to watch this movie.

Hmm... I may as well get into the cast since I mentioned Snake Eyes. A thread on IMDB says it best: "Only good actor in GI Joe and he didn't even have to say a word." I love me some Ray-Fucking-Park. He blew us all away in The Phantom Menace and rendered his scenes in that movie the only ones worth revisiting. I shit myself when I saw Fanboys for the first time and he was one of the guards at Skywalker ranch from THX 1138. Ray Park should kick ass in every movie that comes out in the future. Kevin Smith always says he'd cast Ben Affleck as the shark in Jaws, I say fuck that! Cast Ray Park as the shark in Jaws and you'll have the most frightening Jaws movie ever made.

The only other person I was looking forward to in this movie was Rachel Nichols as Scarlett. I loved her in the last season of Alias, but she was not very good here. Sometimes she was fine/good, but most of the time after the first half hour of the movie, she was not either fine or good. She had a relationship with Marlon Wayans' Ripcord that reminded me of Han & Leia's relationship in The Empire Strikes Back. Hate, hate, hate, oh yeah, I just fell in love with you 2 seconds ago, a second after I was still hating you.

Now for Marlon Wayans. He actually wasn't bad. I was expecting him to be annoying and retarded comic relief. He is sometimes comic relief, but the jokes are not too retarded (e.g. Transformers' "were you masturbating?") and sometimes fit really well. In fact, I would actually say he was the 2nd best actor in the movie, that is, agreeing with the Ray Park IMDB comment. He was very consistent, unlike Rachel Nichols.

Dennis Quaid played General Hawk. Again, the acting was not that great, but I always did like the idea of him in this role. Even though his acting was only passable, he has the look I would imagine for the fine General.

Mr. Eko, from Lost, plays Heavy Duty. I fucking loved this guy in Lost, but what the fuck happened? The first half of the movie, especially when we are introduced to this elite squad, he's just fucking nearly Transformers-level retarded. Thankfully the last half he is actually quite good.

Sienna Miller is the Baroness. I actually cannot say her acting is bad (she has done some really great roles in the past), and objectively, she probably is the best of all the cast, but I do not like the way she looks in this movie. It looks and feels to forced to make her hot and badass at the same time, so fuck her character.

The guy that played The Mummy, though I recognized him from 24 initially, was pretty decent in this when he wasn't fucking whistling.

And the last person I am going to talk about on this already too long list is Channing Tatum as Duke. I must admit some previous baggage about this guy. I. Do. Not. Fucking. Like. This. Guy. Why? One may ask. It is all completely due only to the movie trailer for the movie Fighting. That is it. That movie trailer only made me instantly hate this guy. I no longer like his voice or the way he looks. I almost feel bad for saying it because he is probably a really nice guy and possibly really good actor (he did win awards for an independent film for acting). I really had a hard time watching him in this movie. Especially right away. It was not so bad later on, and I hope this trend continues. I hope that when it comes out on BluRay/DVD that I will watch it many times and just accept him and like him as Duke and can erase all my thoughts of that Fighting trailer.

Just some final comments about the movie itself. There are a few little twists in the storyline that are not bad (nor great) regarding origins and futures. I suspect many people will not know who is actually the Cobra Commander until near the end, and I admit being a bit confused at times, but my first suspicions were correct. My last comment: I really fucking hate the Cobra Commander helmet!

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